emptiness, depression.....

I feel alone. I am anxious and hurting and tired and just overwhelmingly done. I am sick of the word no. I am sick of having to hit and yell to get anything done. I just want to feel something solid, cold physical pain other than the pain in my mouth.
Once when I was younger, way younger, I lived on my own. This was back when I was 17. I had my few months of utter trouble. Lost my virginity (if I even had it thanks to an uncle when I as little) watching Faces of Death, got drunk, you know. Stupid stuff. Well, I borrowed my parents car, and old 76 Lincoln that had like no metal left. This car was huge! I could lay on the hood and my head and feet would barely touch the ends. At 5'9", this is a rarity to feel truly small.
Anyway, a friend and I were to go play some pool down at SS Billiards in Hopkins. We ended up at a graveyard of a friend. I only met the guy once, he was doing a tattoo on someone....he died on his 21st birthday, driving drunk. Well, as we were leaving, I backed over a no parking sign. Good job! LOL Lame, I know....